sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
