the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
