remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
