The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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