wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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