Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
