why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
