I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
