I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
