Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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