No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
