yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
4 words: hood of his car
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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