I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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