you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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