Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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