I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
