No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
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It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
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My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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