So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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