Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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