Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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