If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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