I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
