what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
