I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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