I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
