remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize