Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
