just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize
