Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
