Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
this will be a night to untag.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
