Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
even my farts smell like vagina
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
