mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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