I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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