Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
