what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
