what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
