I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
