OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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