i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
