your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
