i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
