it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
