I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
