Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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