you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
