Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
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Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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