im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
