hotel room ftw
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
