oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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