We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
