Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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