Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
