Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
