Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
