The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize