I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
