i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
