umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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