that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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