I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
