I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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