remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
In other news, I just burned my penis
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
