so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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