i was born a porn star she said
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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