yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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