she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
