This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
