i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
