His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize