Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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