I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
