sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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