Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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