you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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