the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
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so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
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"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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