If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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