while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
