Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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