Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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