Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.