On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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