you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
