I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.