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I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
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