Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
of course. lets lasso hookers.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.